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The Funeral

I have taken a little break from writing, but not from praying and pondering. As I think about the events during the last few weeks, I am grateful to realize God’s hand and love through it all. When my father died, my mom chose everything for his funeral, from the visitation through to the burial details. Much later, I talked to my mom about how she would like things to be for her own funeral. She said that she wanted everything the same as my dad’s. The one thing of importance to her was that she would be buried with him at the National Cemetery. I double and triple checked with the cemetery to make sure she knew that would be arranged. Because we knew what she wanted for the most part, it made the planning phase a little easier. The hardest part was getting the church and the cemetery dates coordinated. Once that was done, we put the rest in place. Everyone in the family contributed. My nephew’s wife created a beautiful prayer card and program for the Mass with a lovely photo of my mom. In the program, we also included a photo of the prayer card with her name on it and one of our favorite photos of her praying hands. The cards and programs were on the memorial table in the church. Also on the table was a black and white photo of my mom at her beloved piano when she was very young, one of her and her best friend playing the piano together, one of my mom and dad on their wedding day and one of them together only a few years ago. The table was decorated with origami flowers that my nephew made from one of my my mom’s piano teaching books. The day started with a time of visitation in the church for people to pay their last respects. The front of the church was adorned with beautiful flowers around my mom’s casket. My mom looked peaceful as her hands held the rosary she received from her best friend and a handmade rosary in which the names of children and grandchildren were spelled out on the beads. At the same time, it was obvious that the essence of who my mom is, was gone. After a time of visitation, we prayed the rosary. I brought my mom’s rosary collection to share with others. Sadly, one of my sisters was recovering from a very bad illness and was unable to come. So, as Mass was about to begin, my brother set up a livestream video event for her and for others to watch. Then my son played and sang his most heartfelt version of Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah” that I have ever heard from him and the tears started falling. My mom loved listening to him sing. My brother gave a reflection of my mom’s life highlighting the theme of Graceful, her faithful service to God as church musician during her entire life, and envisioning my mom playing that big pipe organ in the sky. A good friend of many years who is a priest came to preside. I felt so blessed by his presence and words of comfort. His homily included an explanation of all the Catholic “things we do” – placing the white cloth on the casket and sprinkling with holy water as a reminder of Baptism into God’s family, lighting the Easter candle reminding us of Jesus’ promise of resurrection, and using incense symbolizing the rising of our prayers to Heaven. My son and sister did a wonderful job proclaiming two of the scripture readings. My grandchildren carried the offertory gifts down the aisle to the priest. One of the songs was “The Lord Bless You and Keep You.” When my mom was in the high school choir, they would end each concert with this song. I thought of her with her choir now singing the song in an angelic way. More tears. At the end of Mass, my sons and grandsons were the pallbearers and escorted my mom’s casket out of the church and into the waiting vehicle. Since there was some time before the cemetery, the church provided a nice reception. I felt very encouraged and supported by the people who joined us, including long time friends, new friends, neighbors, church friends, and even caregivers. My brother created a slide show of my mom with friends and family – some from when she was a child and some from very recent. In the background was music performed by my mother on the piano and organ, duets with her friend, and even some of her singing. I had forgotten just how good she was when she was in her prime. We talked with and thanked all the people who were there before heading over to the cemetery. The ceremony there was short, but meaningful. The crucifix that was blessed on the casket was given to my brother. It was decided to put “Forever In Our Hearts” on the headstone. That is where she will remain, forever in my heart.

I Found God today remembering my mom’s faith and the comfort, encouragement, and loving relationships.

2 comments on “The Funeral

  1. What a wonderful writing, Tammy! I wanted to be at your mom’s funeral, but I had a doctor’s appointment. It must have been a beautiful service. Your family is so gifted in all the ways you were able to honor your mom. What touched me a lot (from my Japanese side) were the origami flowers your nephew made from your mom’s piano books. Every detail you all carried out for your mom showed your immense love for her. I wished I could have been there. Was it Father Jim who presided?

    Continuing to keep you uplifted in my prayers.

    Love and peace to you,

    Lori

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