I have been trying to stay in a positive mindset over the past couple days even as I seem to be very emotional. I have decided to just let the tears flow and perhaps at some point they will go dry. I have been listening to Advent music while I make yummy treats. The lyrics of certain songs make me well up with tears. So does some of the chant music. But there is something cathartic to me as I stir and melt the chocolate and carefully create different goodies. I have been sharing the treats with friends and neighbors. As we visit, there is always something in the conversation that gets to me. One neighbor shared her health struggles and trying to keep her faith. Another talked about his own grief after losing his parents and lamenting his estranged relationship with his daughter. I received a card from another neighbor whose husband is struggling, yet he made the most beautiful comments in his shaky handwriting. Prayer is always good, but also hits my heart. The tears roll as I contemplate the faith of those involved in the birth of Jesus. I confront my own fears and doubts and am comforted by Scripture or meditations that make me realize how small I am. At Mass this morning, there was an older couple in front of me. One was in a wheelchair and had to be escorted out midway through to use the restroom. Of course, I remembered doing those things with my mom. I tried to give my sorrow to God. Tonight I spent time with my sons and family for a movie night of laughter. On the way home I was joyful and grateful – tears of a different kind. All the while, I feel God’s Presence. I know He is here with me. Particularly when I’m having a rough time, I picture my parents younger and together with their families and with God. I know this will be a different and difficult Christmas, but I’m trying to do the things to keep from becoming overwhelmed.

I Found God today in His loving presence.