This morning as I sat with my mom, I was rocking in the rocking chair. It suddenly occurred to me that it was the same chair that my mom rocked me and my siblings in when we were babies and beyond. My mom was in this chair at the beginning of our lives and I am blessed to share it as she prepares for her new life. I pray I have been able to provide her at least a portion of the love she shared with us.
I Found God today in generational love.
Sadly, things turned quickly for my mom the other day and she is at the end of her life here on earth. While it is not unexpected, it is still difficult to see her continue to suffer as she finishes this race well. I told her today how brave and strong she is and that she’s my hero. I have been listening to the book of John in the Bible. Today was chapter 11 which was the story of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead. It was a much needed, beautiful reminder of God’s promise to us. I know that my mom will have new life in and with Him on the other side.
I Found God today in His promise of a new life after death.
I was delighted to talk with a far away friend today. She and her family have been on mind and I pray for them often. Her husband passed away almost a year ago now, which was hard to believe. While our situations are different, the pain of suffering the loss of a loved is the same. We talked about our anger with God, while also experiencing His love and care in tangible ways. We talked about the counseling and prayer partners who have been helpful during this journey. And we caught up on what was happening in the lives of our kids. It had been a long time since we actually spoke and I realized how I missed her and her family. They have always been a support and blessing to me. I was grateful that we connected.
I Found God today talking with a friend.
We have struggled for months to get quality, caring, committed caregivers in the house to help care for my mom. Especially as her needs change and she continues to decline, this becomes harder and harder. It makes me hesitant to try new people, but it is necessary as I become more exhausted. Recently we hired overnight caregivers so my sister and I can get some sleep. I have trained 4 different people during the past 5 nights. It all seems like a blur. One woman basically quit before she even walked in the door as she said it was too far to travel and had several complaints before she even met my mom. She is no longer coming. However, the other 3 ladies have been fantastic – knowledge on the ways of Hospice, patient, gentle, and kind. I am so grateful for them and for God sending them to us.
I Found God today in wonderful, caring caregivers.
This morning my mom wasn’t feeling very well at all. She surprised me by saying she felt like she was carrying her cross. I agreed. We talked about how everyone has their cross to carry as they make their way home to God. When I got in the car to go to church, I heard the song “Run to the Father” by Matt Maher. The lyrics at the beginning were:
I’ve carried a burden
For too long on my own
I wasn’t created
To bear it alone
I hear Your invitation
To let it all go
I see it now
I’m laying it down
I know that I need You
I felt God was reminding me that we are never carrying our crosses alone and I was very grateful.
I Found God today reminded that He always helps us carry our cross.
Due to our lack of sleep, we decided to hire overnight caregivers. The first one came a couple nights ago. At the same time, we discovered that my mom was in tremendous pain. We did everything we knew to do, but it didn’t seem to make any difference. I called the Hospice company who sent a nurse over to assess her. In the meantime, the new caregiver came. I showed her around and introduced her to my mom. We all listened to the advice of the nurse and added a stronger painkiller to my mom’s regimen. My brother has been staying here for a while to help out. With all 3 of us now needing a place to sleep, we had to do a little rearranging and slept in the places that we thought would work best. Unfortunately, it was a rough night for us all. I felt bad that my sister didn’t get the sleep she needed. The new caregiver had quite an eventful night as well. Also, as we added the new medication, I didn’t get the rest of the the meds administered quite right. I felt so bad that my mom was still suffering. I spoke to our Hospice nurse the next day and got it straightened out. My brother had words of wisdom that struck me: Don’t beat yourself up for not getting it right the first time. His honesty, encouragement and support was much needed and appreciated.
I Found God today in my brother’s words of wisdom.
This morning the hospice nurse and CNA were here at the same time. We got on the topic of hair care. The CNA said her grandmother’s hair was and still is very thick. She asked her how she managed to keep her beehive hairdos and such in place when she was younger. Her grandmother replied with a prayer, bobby pins, and a lot of Aqua Net. We all laughed. It reminded me of my mom’s story of her haircut. She helped to recall it. When she was younger, her friend was cutting other friend’s hair, so my mom decided to do it too. Her friend put her hair in pincurls, then cut each one to the same length. When she was finished, my mom’s long curled locks were gone. She was afraid of her mother’s reaction, so she went to her best friend’s house first. Her best friend also happened to be my dad’s sister. Their mother looked at my mom’s hair and said that her mother was going to kill her. When she got up enough courage to go home, she found that her mother was not as upset as she anticipated. My mom kept her hair short ever since.
I Found God today in a couple of lighthearted hair stories.
I saw a quote today that was very relevant especially as we continue to chase sleep:
I am He who sustains you. Psalm 46:4
I Found God today reminded that He will sustain me.
Every night after dinner we say our prayers. We pray for and remember all our loved ones, those we promised to pray for and those most in need. Tonight as we were thinking of people, my mom said we should pray for my mom. She asked where my mom was. I said she was right next to me sitting in the wheelchair. Suddenly she realized it was her. She flicked her hand and started laughing. And she agreed we needed to pray for her. It was a good, fun laugh.
I Found God today laughing with my mom.
I found today’s scripture reading from 2 Corinthians particularly relevant, hopeful, and encouraging. It said in part;
Therefore, we are not discouraged;
rather, although our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this momentary light affliction
is producing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to what is seen but to what is unseen;
for what is seen is transitory, but what is unseen is eternal.
For we know that if our earthly dwelling, a tent, should be destroyed, we have a building from God, a dwelling not made with hands, eternal in heaven.
I Found God today in His encouraging promise.
Still Finding God 