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The Old Cowboy Hat

Posted by eph21920 on May 26, 2015 in Faith, Family, Grateful, Life

Yesterday my parents and I headed on up to their cabin in the mountains for a couple of days. It had been quite a while since they were able to spend time up there other than a quick trip to make sure everything was still working properly. We were looking through things and I found my old cowboy hat that I had left there over 15 years ago. I put it on – yup, still fits, yup. The feather hatband was made by a friend of mine at the time. I thought about him and wondered where his life led him. I also thought about my life at that point in time and all the people who were a part of it. I am in touch with so few now. As I walked around the area, I realized that there were very few subtle changes that had happened. Roads were still in the same places, though some that we used to take “at our own risk” are pretty much impassable at this point. The house has had its share of small changes as well, but still basically the same structure. I thought of so many times we visited the place with different groups of people and how we would spread out all over the house as we found places to sleep. My brother joined us and brought his dog. She is just a year old, full of energy, and very cute and funny. All of this pondering helped me to realize that truly the only constant in life is change. Yet, we are “creatures of habit” and have a difficult time when things change. I have changed as well. While I am aware of my faults very clearly most of the time, I hope and feel that I have been growing through it all. I feel I know myself better, have a better understanding of my relationships, and have a better sense of how to better live my life. I also have a better understanding of how God is involved in my life and am grateful that He is unchanging. He is the constant that I can wrap my arms around and know that He always has my best interest in His heart. I am thankful for finding the old cowboy hat and for the reflection that it started.

I Found God today in a realization of all things changing, of how I have grown through the years, and of how God remains the same – always loving, always present.

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Homeless Awareness One Step at a Time

Posted by eph21920 on May 25, 2015 in Faith, Homeless, Life

An amazing young man I know started off on an adventure today – he is walking from his home in Bow, New Hampshire, to Washington DC. It is all to raise awareness and funds for the homeless. He writes that while volunteering at a soup kitchen, he met a man who served in the military and was now homeless. This evidently made a huge impression on him as he is devoting this Memorial Day and first day of his journey to that man. I encourage prayers for him. You can read about his cause and how to follow him here:  http://stephensmarch.blogspot.com/

I Found God today in a compassionate young man who is determined to do something to try to make a difference.

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Much Needed Support

Posted by eph21920 on May 24, 2015 in Death, Dog, Family, Friends, Grateful, Grief

I didn’t sleep much last night – kept waking up realizing that Goldie was no longer by my side. When I finally did get up, I tried to start a new routine. Within a few hours I had a wicked headache. I went to Mass with my parents – Pentecost Sunday. It should have been a joyful occasion, but honestly I don’t even know what was said. I just kept asking God to help me not be so sad. After church we went to lunch and my parents tried to cheer me up. It was nice not to have to cook something. Once we got home, I sat in the recliner, wrapped up in the “prayer shawl” that was made for me dear friends before I moved, turned on some mindless TV and closed my eyes. I was surprised when I awoke 2 hours later. Even though I remember dreaming that my dog was right next to me, I evidently had a really good rest and the headache had lessened. I had shared my loss on Facebook yesterday, and read through the many well wishes, prayers, hugs, and new pictures shared by friends. By the end of the day, I felt a little better and trying to give myself permission to be sad and do what is needed to work through this grief.

I Found God today in the emotional and spiritual support from friends and family.

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Goodbye to Goldie

Posted by eph21920 on May 23, 2015 in Death, Dog, Love

My poor old dog has been suffering for a while now, and I have been praying to know how best to help her and/or know when to let her go. She could barely walk any more and I have been doing what I can to get nourishment in her as she was refusing to eat. Yesterday she perked up a bit with a treat of hamburger and salmon. But this morning she woke up about 4 am, jumped off the bed and started to pee on the carpet. We spent the next several hours going outside and back in as she was unable to control it at all. It was obvious her body could not take any more, and I could no longer watch her suffer. After getting some advice and comfort from my sister who has been through this several times with her dogs, I called the vet and told them I would be bringing her in. I called my son to let him know so he could say goodbye. I broke the news to my parents and they gave her lots of hugs and pets before we left. The people at the vet were ready for us when we arrived and were incredibly compassionate. My poor old Goldie just laid on the blanket as if she was ready and relieved. As I scratched her favorite spot her passing was peaceful and quick. On the way home I tried to see the road through the tears. I had on the Christian radio station and the song, “Come As You Are”, by Crowder came on with the words, “Come out of sadness from wherever you’ve been, come broken hearted, let rescue begin . . . ” and then, “Earth has no sorrow that Heaven can’t heal.” When I got home, my parents and I talked, reminisced, and cried. My son broke the news to his boys in the afternoon and the younger one called to video chat. He loved the dog – one time he said she was his best friend. It was tough to see him crying, but he is such a thoughtful little guy. After dinner I took a long walk as Goldie would have enjoyed when she was in good shape. When I returned and reached the sidewalk to the door, there it was – the bunny that she loved to chase. I gave it a little run in her honor. It was a tough day, but looking back I can see all the ways that God was present in it. I am so happy that I was able to spend so much time with her during these past few months, And I am incredibly grateful to all the veterinarians, my family and friends who helped take care of Goldie along the way. She was a good dog.

I Found God today in the companion He provided to me for so many years and remembering all the joy and love she brought.

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Phone Call and Mail

Posted by eph21920 on May 22, 2015 in Connected, Family, Knowledge, Relationship

Today I was going to the post office to drop off a package and my dad said he had something to mail as well. He put together some information for my nephew who is interested in physics. They had a conversation about the subject last time they were together and my dad wanted to share some of his resources. He had just finished when my nephew called. According to my dad, it had been a long time since my nephew called him and an even longer time since my dad had mailed something to him. It was pretty ironic that those things happened at exactly the same time. They must have been very internally connected.

I Found God today in a timely connection between my dad and nephew.

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New High School Graduate

Posted by eph21920 on May 21, 2015 in Family, Food

Today my nephew graduated from high school. It has been a tumultuous road for him, like it is for most teens. We were even unsure if he was going to make it to the ceremony itself as he was not feeling well. But – he did it. I was so happy I was able to attend. My sister (his mom) and I started crying in the car just talking about it while we were driving there. The setting for the graduation could not have been in a more beautiful setting, surrounded by the Red Rocks of the Rocky Mountains. Even though the weather was cloudy and cool, it was an amazing place to be. Once we found our seat, I looked up and behind us and there were all the graduates in their places prepared to make their entrance. We found out approximately where my nephew was and I headed up to see if I could get a photo. As I was searching, they started the procession. I was in the right place at the right time and got some great pix of him making his way to his seat. The band that he had been a part of for 4 years played the entrance song and the choir sang the national anthem. Music is a priority in the school and they do a tremendous job. I stopped trying to hold back the tears by that point and just went for the kleenex which I had loaded in my pockets. Each speaker made some great points, but the one that struck me the most was the valedictorian’s quote from Aristotle, “Choice not chance determines your destiny.” He challenged the class not to become complacent or overwhelmed by the problems of the world, but to continually strive to make a positive difference. Yes – more crying. Then came time for the diplomas. It was your typical calling of the names, walking up and shaking hands. But it was also being played on the jumbotron so everyone could get a good look. Some kids did funny things, my nephew was pretty straight forward as is his personality. By the time the end came, I had gotten a grip over my emotions and just enjoyed the moment. We took several pictures with the gorgeous scenery and headed out to lunch – nephew’s choice of course. Now, I am not a fan of any kind of Asian or Oriental food, but his choice was Vietnamese Pho. I said I would give it a shot and actually loved the egg rolls and noodle soup. I was as shocked as they were. So – I got to be a part of my nephew’s long awaited high school graduation celebration and discovered a new food that I enjoy. It was a great day.

I Found God today in celebrating the effort and accomplishment of my nephew, and I pray he will continue moving forward in the positive road he is on.

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Quality of Life

Posted by eph21920 on May 20, 2015 in Dog, Faith, Prayer, Struggles

My poor old dog is continuing on a downward spiral and I have been questioning if I am doing what I need to and/or should be doing to help her through this last stage of her life. I was able to make an appointment with the wonderful vet that we saw last month and took her there today. He understood my questions before I even had to ask. She can barely get up and move around at this point and I wonder if I am just prolonging her agony by enticing her to eat and walk around outside a bit. We talked about “quality of life” vs. “quantity of life”. He told me about his brother who is dying from cancer. He is only in his mid 40’s, has a wife and 3 young children, and is a doctor himself. He has been fighting the disease with all that he has and has the best care, but the cancer has a hold on him. My vet said that he is going to visit his brother for the next week and realizes that this will probably be the last time he sees him. He talked about how quantity does not equal quality and how his brother has been able to do so much with his life, even though it is being cut short. He said his brother has done all that he can to try to get well and that I have done the same with my dog. He looked her over and encouraged me to try increasing the dosage of one of the medications, which I will do. She may improve again for the short time she has left. The whole conversation made me think of how important it is to live each day at a time to it’s fullest and a prayer that I try to say every day to keep me grounded  – God, help me just for today to do Your work, Your will, Your way.

I Found God today in the wisdom of the vet and the reminder of how we should live each day to the best quality that we can.

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Some Days are Good

Posted by eph21920 on May 19, 2015 in Children, Happiness, Joy

I had to run a few errands today and as I finished one and was headed out to my car, I encountered a woman and her 2 children coming out of the Department of Motor Vehicles. They were all very joyful as they held hands and swung their arms. I heard the woman speak enthusiastically to the children, “You see, some days are good and some days are not. Today is a good day! Yesterday everything fell apart and we lost things. Today we found everything!” Then they all shouted. She asked one of the kids if he was happy to have his ipad back. So – I figured they had left the ipad in the DMV and were able to retrieve it when they went back in. It made me happy to hear them so happy.

I Found God today in a great mom teaching a wonderful lesson to her children.

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A Good Check-up

Posted by eph21920 on May 18, 2015 in Family, Grace, Grateful, Healing

Today I took my mom to the doctor for a check-up. Before she went, she wrote down the list of things that she wanted to discuss. My dad jokingly (or not so much) said to make sure to keep the list so he can use it next time he has to go. Her doctor was super patient and listened to everything she said. He made suggestions for some of the things that are bothering her. He told her that overall he thinks she is pretty healthy. That in itself made her feel better. Listening to their conversation and trying to put myself in her position really helped me to empathize. It also gave me a better understanding of how to be of more help. I could see some of the things that I should be doing differently. I was grateful for this new insight and praying for God’s grace so I can actually DO the things I know I need to improve upon.

I Found God today in a good check-up for my mom and a new awareness of myself.

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Rite of Spring

Posted by eph21920 on May 17, 2015 in Family, Grateful, Music

My parents have had season tickets to the Philharmonic Symphony for many years and attend about 8 concerts during the year. Today was the last performance of the season. They asked if I wanted to go too, which I did, so my dad purchased a ticket for me a few weeks ago. We got all ready to go and my dad went to retrieve the tickets from the usual spot he kept them. They were not there. My mom, dad, and I went through everything that we could think of – a couple of times – but no luck. We prayed to St.Anthony to help us locate them. We were just about to give up and as my dad checked one more time, he did not find the tickets, but he did find instructions on what to do if you lost them. We headed down to the performance center and told them our dilemma. The young woman at the counter said it was no problem and not to worry if it happened again. She printed new tickets for us and we got in the hall just in the nick of time before they closed the doors for the first half of the performance. There was a strings group that played Bach for the first part of the concert. I thought of the high school concert I just saw and wondered how many of them may go on to perform in this type of setting. The second half was “Rite of Spring” by Stravinsky. I remembered hearing it as a child. There were over 100 musicians on the stage so it was as entertaining to watch as it was to listen to. There were times when there was only one instrument playing and it was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Then another instrument would join in so they were together, yet playing different tunes. At other times the entire orchestra was booming so loud my mother said it was overwhelming – and she had taken out her hearing aides. The piece is complicated and at times seems chaotic. Yet, when combined the sound and tune was like no other. This made me think of the way we live our lives. Sometimes there is just one voice calling out, or one person doing their thing. Then, if others are willing, they can join in the cause. It doesn’t matter if they are different or not on the exact same note or beat. Sometimes we feel like everything is in chaos. Yet, if we come together for a greater cause or purpose, we can literally make beautiful music together.

I Found God today in an afternoon of beautiful music and a new insight, and I am so grateful we were able to attend.

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