I was happy to be able to spend time with my daughter in law today. We went to a craft fair and perused the hand made items. There was a vendor there with the stick on nail polish that we had done before, so we got some fun designs and will have a manicure night with my mom and granddaughter too. We went to lunch and laughed and talked. I feel truly blessed for our relationship.
I Found God today in my relationship with my daughter in law.
My mom has been wanting to get out to the cemetery for the past couple of days, but she hasn’t felt good and the weather has not cooperated. Today, it was chilly, but the wind was not blowing. Mom felt ok after lunch, so we decided to go. I bought her some flowers the other day for their wedding anniversary. We divided them in half, knowing that they would likely be getting snowed upon tonight. But the little bouquet looked beautiful by my dad’s headstone. On the way in, there were people and cars gathering in the welcome center. Then they all made their way to the pavilion for the burial ceremony. Mom and I remembered that day and the freezing wind. We also remembered the person who looked so intently at my mom when she was handed the flag. It was a bittersweet visit, but we were glad we finally went.
I Found God today helping my mom place flowers for my dad.
Mom had been working on coloring a picture of lovebirds. She thought it was a fitting way to commemorate her and my dad’s wedding anniversary. She finished the picture today and we displayed it with the couple of others she has done. They are color by number and she matches the colors recommended on the page. She really enjoys the activity. They turn out lovely, even though she says she makes mistakes. I assured her there are no “mistakes” in art. Just beauty.
I found God today in my mom’s artwork.
The other day, a friend of mine wrote that she was “grateful for a sad heart” after her aunt passed away. That statement seemed like an oxymoron. Today my parents would have celebrated their 71st wedding anniversary. We all had sad hearts here. I pondered my friend’s gratitude as, to me, the pain my mom and I experience when we think about my dad doesn’t seem like something to be grateful for. However, then I remembered something else I had heard – that grief is love with nowhere to go. The love my mom had for my dad was unwavering during their life together. Now, the love is still there, but she cannot express that to him, though we tried. We did plan on going to the cemetery, but the weather was not cooperative. She decided to do some coloring and picked out a picture of lovebirds to commemorate the day. That was very sweet. I am grateful that I was able to witness what true unconditional love looks like through my parents’ marriage. And so, I guess I too am grateful for a sad heart. It is evidence that true love continues on.
I Found God today grateful for a sad heart.
It had been a very long time since I went for a walk outside, so was very happy to go out with friend today. Evidently it had been a very long time since we caught up. We walked and talked and it felt wonderful. As I recounted what I had been up to, I found myself very grateful. I told her about the work my mom and I have been doing over the past year going through our grief journeys individually, yet together. I am grateful for people and organizations who have reached out with resources. I am grateful that there are so many opportunities out there to help people. There’s different counseling, groups, and places that can meet pretty much any needs that a person might have. We participated in Grief support through Hospice and through the church, connected with Stephen Ministry, and the local Aging Center. I am incredibly grateful for people who loved and cared enough to nudge us in a particularly direction. Speaking for myself, each opportunity people pointed me to and that I have said yes to has brought me more understanding and clarity. I am most grateful for people – friends and strangers alike – who have been praying for us. It’s quite a journey, and God’s presence, peace, and healing are certainly felt more and more.
I Found God today grateful for people and healing.
My poor mother is usually ready to go to bed right after dinner, but we know that if she were to actually go to bed then, she would get back up in the middle of the night some time. So, we look for things to do that are engaging. Tonight I remembered Mad Libs, the story game where you write down words without knowing the subject matter. Then, they are interjected into the story. It was a little bit of work especially for my mom, as we had to think of words in certain categories such as noun, verb, type of liquid, etc, and then write them down. Then, we read the stories. There were such funny statements such as, “Wash the area with soap and “root beer”. We laughed and laughed and kept mom awake and engaged until it was bedtime.
I Found God today in more laughter.
The family has had a rough couple years since my dad’s illness and death and I feel that we are all in recovery mode. This is particularly true for my sister and her husband. My brother-in-law had 2 surgeries, one right after the other. Then they found a small cancer spot that was left, so he had radiation therapy for 6 weeks. My sister has worried herself sick in the midst of it all. He finished the radiation a couple weeks ago. We talked with them today and they said they went out to celebrate and both of them actually ate some real food. They also told us of a visit they had to friends at the farm that they sold. They had a great time with people and nature and even brought some eggs home. They said it felt like the first “normal” day that they have had for almost 2 years. That is a long time. I was grateful that they were so happy and hope-filled.
I Found God today in a long time coming normal day for my sister and her husband.
My mom wanted to watch something funny on TV tonight, so we found the old Carol Burnett series. We watched the episode with Vincent Price and Joan Rivers. It was hysterical. Sometimes I forget just how important and uplifting it is to have a good belly laugh.
I Found God today in laughter.
It was snowing outside today, so mom and I hunkered down in the house. The weather was warm the few days leading up to this storm and greenery was starting to make it’s appearance. A few trees had started to bud and if you looked hard enough, you could see some green grass among the flat, brown blanket. The iris leaves are popping up through the mulch and some are getting quite long already. The warmer weather had us yearning for Spring, but today, everything was covered in white. Yesterday, a generous friend brought over a couple of new puzzles as she knows how much my mom loves to work them. She and my mom started on the one that is in the shape of a butterfly. Mom and I had fun working on it for a while today and finished the frame. It was beautiful to behold as the snow fell.
I Found God today seeing the beauty of Spring inside and the beauty of snow outside.
A friend reminded me today of the difference that music can make in our lives. The lyrics to a song, such as I wrote yesterday, can touch our hearts. Combine the words with the movements of the melody and we can be swept away with thoughts, memories, and emotions – both good and bad. I spoke to another friend last night whose husband plays the bass fiddle. She said that the best musicians while going through the mechanics of playing the instrument, will allow the instrument itself to take over. While difficult to explain, that is where the emotion and true beauty of music is found. We can tell the difference between someone going through the motions of playing an instrument, and someone pouring their heart and soul into it. I have noticed myself recently how much I enjoy and miss listening to music. I am blessed to listen to my mom play the piano every day. But we don’t listen to anything else as it doesn’t sound good to my mother. Unfortunately, her hearing now is too distorted. When I am out running errands by myself, I will turn on the Christian music station which I do enjoy and know most of the songs. When I turn it up loud and sing along, crying out to God, it is rejuvenating.
I Found God today realizing the power of music.
Still Finding God 