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Generational Connection

My son is having some troubles getting into the house they were to rent, so he, his wife, the 3 kids and 2 dogs spent the day with us. My granddaughter who just turned 6 and my mother had such a sweet connection, it made my heart swell. My mother was playing solitaire on her iPad and my granddaughter wanted to learn. After a few short lessons, she won the game and was ready to help win another one. When we sat down to eat, my granddaughter put a pillow behind my mom’s back when she learned what it was for. She got her napkins and shared her sliced apple. After the meal, my mom got her walker and explained to my granddaughter what it was for. My granddaughter then waited patiently and followed my mom slowly out of the dining room. My mom thanked her for waiting. A little later, my mom played the piano. My granddaughter then played her own tune and titled it, “A Loving Life”. She certainly emulated that today.

I Found God today in the sweet and loving connection between my mom and my granddaughter.

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They’re Here

During all the upheaval of life, my son and his family decided to move here from the east coast. I could hardly believe it when the decision was made. That seems like forever ago. My daughter in law and two of the kids flew in the other day. It wasn’t a pleasant trip as my granddaughter had motion sickness, but they made it and have been staying with my son who lives here. Meanwhile, my other son, oldest grandson, and their 2 dogs drove across the country. They arrived this evening and everyone came over for food and ice cream. It was quite an exciting family reunion. My grandsons talked about how surreal it was to be here. I agreed, but how wonderful. I have been afraid to allow myself to look forward to their move, lest something go wrong. Yet here they are and a peek of joy has shown through. God is good and bigger than my fears in so many ways.

I Found God today in the joy of seeing my whole family here all together.

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Move to Memory Care

Well moving my dad into memory care went as good as to be expected. The transportation service I set up from his previous facility to the new one arrived and left without him. No one told us they were there. The head nurse also said no one there knew he was discharging today. It was pretty telling of our experience there. Dad was pretty serene so I went ahead and drove him. On the way he rummaged through the glove box and wondered what all the papers and items were. We talked about the place we were going to as a new rehab type place to help him get stronger. He said he didn’t think he needed it because he’s been traveling the world and is fine. I encouraged him to give it a try. My mom and brother met us there. We met the executive director upon our arrival who welcomed my dad and showed us to his room. He liked it, but thought he would get lonely there and that it is too far away from family. We assured him it’s not too far and he will have lots of visitors. After a bit, one of the caregivers came to get him for lunch. My mom sat with him, but couldn’t eat with him due to the COVID rules, which we knew. However, at that point dad realized she wasn’t staying – she was his “guest” and got upset. They came back to the room and my brother gave them ice cream which we had stocked in his freezer. That always helps. He was still unhappy with the whole situation, so we went for a walk around. We walked outside, saw the mountains and lots of flowers in their gardens. We met lots of really nice and helpful people who all introduced themselves and welcomed him. That tired him out, so we took our leave when he laid down for a nap. In all we stayed about 3 hours with him and were pretty exhausted. A few hours later I received a call from the facility nurse to go over a couple things. She also shared that my dad had been walking outside without his walker, which we knew would happen, but he listened to them and was easily redirected. He told one of the CNA’s that he got back from Germany a couple weeks ago. Evidently he was chatting it up at dinner with those at his table and he’s going to be a social butterfly. Mom was so happy to hear that and got teary eyed because when we were in his room he said he would be so lonely. I remain guardedly optimistic, but more peaceful. I am so grateful for all those who are praying for us.

I Found God today as we were able to move my dad into a place that we hope will be joyful and peaceful.

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Morning Star

It has been an incredibly difficult and stressful time since my last blog. I feel I would like to share the abridged story at this time. My dad’s Alzheimer’s dementia continued to progress and my dad’s physical and mental condition declined. He became more unstable on his feet. My family and I did our best to keep him safe and provide the tools he needed, but a fall was inevitable. He fell one evening at home onto the hard wood floor. We thought at first he had just hurt his arm. But later, he tried to stand and was unable to bear any weight on one leg. I knew that a hospital visit would not be a good experience, so I thought we would wait until morning to see if it felt better. It was another sleepless night as he struggled to get up to go to the bathroom. By the next morning, he had forgotten that he had fallen and wondered if other people had contracted the disease that made them unable to bear weight on one leg. My brother pretty much carried him out of the house to the car. The ER visit showed nothing broken, but as he was unstable and unsafe to go home, he was admitted to the hospital. That resulted in a 2-week stay including over medication and restraints to keep him from getting up by himself. My brother and I spent most of the daylight hours with him to try to keep him calm. My sister spent some time as well and my mom went as often as she could handle. Due to the medication and condition that my dad was in, we had a very difficult time finding a rehab facility that would accept him. Once we did, we were hopeful. My dad found a new freedom there with no restraints, but was terribly confused and fell into the closet the third day. He said he was going into the garage to find a new bed. Once again, my brother and I spent about 12 hours a day there to help my dad feel more calm. The physical therapy he received there stabilized him physically, however his confusion and dementia increased. We tried to find him a memory care facility near our home, but the 2 that we talked to declined as our time for discharge was upon us. It was an option for him to remain at his current skilled nursing facility who touted dementia programs. However, at one point they tried to move my dad to a different wing with a violent roommate. Luckily my sister had taken that shift and insisted that they bring him back where he was. The facility assured me that if my dad stayed with them, he would not be moved. The day after I wrote them a hefty check, I was told he would be moved to the other wing due to his unpredictable and agitated behavior. I toured the place and was terrified to put my dad in that environment. We also fully understood that at this point, we were no longer able to care for him and keep him and those around him safe. We decided that if my dad was going to have to move, it would be to a place we wanted him to be. When I asked, his charge nurse told me of a memory care facility in the foothills that she always had good experience with. I spoke to the people there and toured the facility. I cried when I saw the beautiful scenery, access to outside courtyards, and the private apartments that they offered as opposed to a hospital type room with a curtain separating 2 beds. My hope was only a thread line by this time and I held my breath as they went through the vetting process. The people communicated and were helpful and empathetic. When I found out he was accepted, I was afraid to get excited. We moved his furniture in today and will move him in tomorrow. We are praying for a good transition and peace for us all. The name of the place is Morning Star, based on Revelation 22:16 in which Jesus proclaims He is the morning star. The first line of their mission statement is “Honor God in our business practices and relationships”. I feel God has provided this place for us and that all we have gone through has been preparing us for this move. During these weeks, I have tried my best to cling to God who knows and loves us best. I have been most grateful for the prayers and timely notes from encouraging people. And yes, I did find God in several instances. I hope to share some of those over the next few days. Thank you, readers, for your prayers and your care.

I Found God today in people who care, encourage, and share prayers.

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Pray-ers

I stopped by a neighbors’ tonight for a “quick visit”. We ended up talking about difficulties and before I left, they offered to pray with me. It was a moment of peace and beauty. Sometimes I wonder where God is, then He’s right there.

I Found God today praying with neighbors.

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Mani Pedi

Today I realized my dad’s fingernails were getting a little long. So I gave him a nice manicure. A little later I wore my sandals as we sat outside enjoying the warm day. I noticed my toenails were looking pretty bad and told my dad I was in need of a pedicure. He offered to do it for me and I laughingly agreed – after all, one good turn deserves another. But first, he needed a nap. When he woke up, he walked into his room and came back with a bag of nail care tools and a towel. He was all ready to give me my pedicure. I gave him my foot which he examined for a moment. Then, he decided it was probably better if he didn’t try. I went ahead and took care of my pedicure as my dad provided the tools. I thought it was pretty sweet that he seriously wanted to do it for me.

I Found God today in my dad’s sweet gesture.

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Mr. Fix-it

My brother in law has numerous amazing talents and skills. I am always in awe of what he does around his farm – everything from building the taj-ma-coop for the chickens to maintaining the dirt road for him and the other 9 property owners. In the past couple of weeks he has done some things for us too. A rod broke on my mom’s walker, so he replaced that and adjusted her brakes. He also repaired the dining room chairs that have been coming apart. These may seem like small, tedious things, but to me they were huge and I am very grateful.

I Found God today in my helpful brother in law.

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Strong Friendship

After having attended a couple caregiver classes, I was reminded of the importance of having and being with friends. So, I visited with another friend today. We also had not talked in months and had much to catch up on. Her husband has Parkinson’s and we compared caregiving notes. She’s also a faithful Christian and we compared prayer notes. It’s always nice to talk to someone who understands. It’s even better when there’s such a strong friendship. I feel very blessed.

I Found God today grateful for a strong friendship.

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Turning the Pages

My mom had a very good day practicing her piano today. I feel very blessed to be able to listen to her every day. After a while, my dad went and sat with her on the piano bench. They both remembered when my mom would go to my dad’s house to visit his sister who was my mom’s best friend. While she was there, she would play the piano. My dad would sit with her on the piano bench and turn the pages of her music. That’s how their relationship started. It was sweet to see the same scene 70 years later.

I Found God today in my parents’ life long love.

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Same Theme

Sometimes I can feel like I am very alone and that perhaps God has forgotten about me and my troubles. Then, if I am listening and paying attention, I hear the same themes over and over again. I take them as messages from God. The reflection I heard on today’s Gospel reminded of that same message – trust. In the scripture reading, Jesus sends His apostles out on their mission. He tells them to take nothing with them and that they will be cared for. The reflection put it this way – trust in God’s providence, not in the provisions. In other words, don’t worry about what you have or don’t have. Trust that when you are doing your best to live in God’s will, He will in fact take care of you.

I Found God today in another reminder to trust in Him.